29 agosto 2008

Film de la semana #013

Monty Python- Architect Sketch

en el resto del post, el texto completo del Sketch
Mr Tid Gentlemen, we have two basic suggestions for the design of this...(he is distracted by the two Gumbys still shouting)... Gentlemen, we have two basic suggestions for the design of this...(shouts out of window at the gumbys) Shut up! Gentlemen, we have two basic suggestions...(but the gumbys is still shouting 'Architects Sketch'; he throws a bucket of water over them; they subside, damply) Gentlemen, we have two basic suggestions for the design of this for the design of this residential block, and I thought it best that the architects themselves came in to explain the advantages of both designs. (knock at door) That must be the first architect noow. (Mr Wiggin comes in) Ah, yes - it's Mr Wiggin of Ironside and Malone.
Wiggin walks to the table on which his model stand.
Mr Wiggin Good morning, gentlemen. This is a twelwe-storey block combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these...
First City Gent Excuse me....
Mr Wiggin Hm?
First City Gent Did you say knives?
Mr Wiggin Rotating knives, yes.
Second City Gent Are you proposing to slaughter our tenants?
Mr Wiggin Does that not fit in with your plans?
First City Gent No, it does not. We asked for a simple block of flats.
Mr Wiggin Oh, I see. I hadn't correctly divined your attitude towards your tenants. You see I mainly design slaughter houses. Yes, pity. Mind you, this is a real beaut. I mean, none of your blood caked on the walls and flesh flying out of the windows, inconveniencing the passers-by with this one. I mean, my life has been building up to this.
Second City Gent Yes, and well done, but we want a block of flats.
Mr Wiggin May I ask you to reconsider. I mean, you wouldn't regret it. Think of the tourist trade.
First City Gent No, no, it's just that we wanted a block of flats, not an abattoir.
Mr Wiggin Yes, well, of course, this is just the sort blinkered philistine pig ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist. (shouting) You excrement! You lousy hypocritical whining toadies with your lousy colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding masonic handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn't become a freemason now if you went down on your lousy, stinking, purulent knees and begged me.
Second City Gent Well, we're sorry you feel like that but we, er, did want a block of flats. Nice though the abattoir is.
Mr Wiggin Oh (blows raspberry) the abattoir, that's not important. But if any of you could put in a word for me I'd love to be a freemason. Freemasonry opens doors. I mean, I was...I was a bit on edge just now, but if I were a mason I'd sit at the back and not get in anyone's way.
First City Gent Thank you.
Mr Wiggin I've got a second-hand apron.
Second City Gent Thank you.
Mr Wiggin (going to door but stopping) I nearly got in at Hendon.
First City Gent Thank you.
Mr Wiggin leaves and the familiar figure of Mr Tid comes forward.
Mr Tid I'm sorry about that, gentlemen. The second architect is Mr Leavey of Wymis and Dibble.
Mr Leavey comes in and goes to his model.
Mr Leavey Good morning gentlemen. This is a scale model of the block. There are twenty-eight storeys, with two hundred and eighty modern apartments. There are three main lifts and two service lifts. Access would be from Dibbingley Road. (the model falls over, and he quickly puts it upright) The structure is built on a central pillar system (the model falls over again) with (he puts model upright and holds onto it) cantilevered floors in pre-stressed steel and concrete. The dividing walls on each floor section are fixed by recessed magnalium flanged grooves. (the model partly collapses, the bottom ten floors giving way) By avoiding wood and timber derivatives and all other flammables (the model is smoking and flames are seen) we have almost totally removed the risk of...
Mr Leavey Quite frankly, I think the central pillar system may need strengthening a bit.
Second City Gent Isn't that going to put the cost up?
Mr Leavey It might.
Second City Gent Well, I don't know whether I'd worry about strengthening that much. After all, they're not meant to be luxury flats.
First City Gent I quite agree. I mean, providing the tenants are of light build and relatively sedentary and er, given a spot of good weather, I think we're on to a winner here.
Mr Leavey Thank you.
The model explodes.
Second City Gent Quite agree. Quite agree.
Mr Leavey Thank you very much. Thank you. (he shakes hands with them in an extraordinary way)
Mr Wiggin (at door) It opens doors, I'm telling you.
Voice Over Let's have a look at that handshake again in slow motion.

They do the handshake again, only slowly.
First Voice Over


escena de The Knack... and how to get it, de Richard Lester

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